Posts in "Toddlerhood" Category

8 Months

One minute you’re blogging and thinking to yourself, “I really need to get back into this, I can do it, it takes no time at all” and the next thing you know it’s 4 months later and you haven’t posted anything. Story of my blogging life.

Rosabee is 8 months old now. In the last month she has gotten up on her knees and learned to crawl. In the last week she’s learned to pull herself up to standing. This morning she started clapping. Like most mothers… I just need time to slow down. I read an article on Scary Mommy not too long ago that talks about it not being the feeling of wanting more children, but rather just wanting more time with the ones you already have. Hits the nail on the head. We’re done having kids, but man, it breaks my heart that this time is just flying by and we’re a blink away from no more sweet wonderful (terrifying, sleepless, screaming) perfect little chubby-handed babies. (You can find that post from Scary Mommy here!) Excuse me while I sob.

Colette is the same way.. She has long skinny hands and feet now. No more toddler appendages. She still has that little belly that pokes out, but other than that, she’s all little kid now. She had her first soccer season in the spring. She would do really well the first 20 minutes or so, then fall prey to the dancing bug or the most interesting leaf on the ground. There was only one other little girl on the team and, like Colette, had never played before and I think she really liked that, but all the other little boys had already been playing for a season or two. So the boys pretty much dominated playing time. But when she *did* participate she did pretty well. I don’t know when we’ll try it out again, or if we’ll give her a try at ballet and dance, but I’m sure we’ll find something she can enjoy.

Good news for me, I FINALLY competed in the Chickamauga Chase 15k ANNND I completed it without dying. I only had to wear a boot for a little while afterwards. It’s like my body was telling me I’m not destined to run. I’ve only ran a couple of times since then which makes me feel awful.. especially since I have my first sprint triathlon coming up at the end of July. I definitely haven’t been on my bike much either, except for the occasional jaunt to the pool (and not to the pool to practice my swimming…). I was doing really well with eating well and exercising regularly until it hurt to walk and now I somehow find myself eating 2-3 chocolate twinkies a day.

We’ve done too many things in the last four months for me to even go into detail. Rosalie’s first trip to the zoo, family beach trip, a solo trip to the beach for me and Cory, Enchanted Tea with Alice, visitors galore, etc.

I’m also going to be changing jobs soon. My annual review was a few weeks ago and we were talking about how I can move up in my career. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I mentioned that moving into a BA role would probably be the most logical step. Apparently that was a great idea and we cannonballed into additional meetings to talk about how to get me into that. Initially I was thinking I would need a lot of training and certifications and such, and maybe by my next review we’d be ready for a move. But now it looks like we’re talking a month or two. And I’ll definitely have to be in the office. I’ve been living as a hermit in my home office for 5 years. I have no idea how I’m going to filter into the general public and an office setting. I’ll have to wear something that isn’t the soffe shorts I’ve had since I was a sophomore in high school. I don’t even know what it is people wear into an office anymore. I’ll also be leaving my babies all day every day of the week. *cue more sobbing* But in the end I know it’s best for our family. You know, so we can afford to take our big ‘Colette turns 5’ trip to Disney World next year, among other things (like groceries…).

Fast forward.. It’s been two weeks since I started writing all the above.

I got a chance to go out on my bike two Saturdays ago. All the thanks in the world to Jodie for taking me. It turns out I may not die in my sprint triathlon, at least the cycling part. We did a little over 13 miles (about 10 more than I’ve ever done… and 1 more than the race distance) and I did okay. I may have a permanent bike indention in my rear.. but I did okay. I went again for a solo ride and knocked like 11 minutes off the first time. I wasn’t doing a lot of talking and my bike seat was raised to a much more appropriate height, so that probably had something to do with it.

I’ve also been getting up at 4:30 in the mornings to go to the gym and swim before Rosalie wakes up to eat. My first time back was, like everything else, slow. But I’m out there doing it and that’s what counts right? Right.


And here’s your explosion of photos from the last few months because I don’t feel like typing anymore:



4 Month Update

The plague hath hit. Colette started with a cough a couple of weeks ago. Nothing huge. Just a little cough. Over the following week the cough got a little worse. Just a little.

Last weekend we went to Pigeon Forge with family. Pizza, Brats, and Spaghetti Ice Cream were had. Then bright and early Sunday, poor little Coco woke up with a fever. Anything more than a cold has been pretty unusual for her thus far. So we set out for home that morning and planned a nice evening of laying on the couch and watching TV. Monday come and she wasn’t feeling any better so we called and made an appointment with our doctor.

I took Rosalie over to Grama’s while Colette stayed in the car and came back home with me to rest until her appointment. And then it happened… Our first toddler vomit. It happened at the moment we needed to leave too. Terrible. I think we both handled it pretty well though. Didn’t get it on the floor or couch and Colette was only a little confused and just wanted to know what she swallowed.

The doc had fun things to say. We had to go have chest xrays to check for pneumonia and she sent us home with some steroids to help with her breathing. The xray was negative for pneumonia but did show signs of a viral bronchial infection.

The next morning, like magic, (horrible, dark, useless, magic) Rosalie woke up with a cough. Fast forward to Friday and everyone in the house is coughing and we have to take both girls back to the doctor. Luckily Rosalie didn’t seem to feel bad, and Colette was in good spirits. This time the doc said she could hear some pneumonia in Colette this time. She sent us home with more steroids for Colette and amoxicillin for both.

My cough sounds like I might die, but I actually don’t feel bad. Cory feels terrible on the other hand.

Rosalie and Colette are still coughing, but hopefully we’re on the tail end of this thing.

In other news Rosalie is 4 months old now! A chunky, nearly 18 pounds, rolling, toe grabbing 4 month old. Eats well, sleeps well, and really can’t complain about much. She is, however, pretty accustomed to me putting her to bed though.

She’s also let it be known that you will not touch her nose (to be wiped, suctioned…) and she will not take her antibiotics without a fight. She’s very adamant about those things.

Cory and I have planned our first trip away from the kids for April. I’m very excited and sad already. A short little jaunt to Seaside for 3 nights.

I feel like we have a lot of things coming up. Colette starts soccer in March, Cory has a Spartan race, the Chick Chase is in a couple of months, vacations…etc.

Not much else is happening, just day to day life and trying to survive. I finally got all the Christmas decorations down at the end of January. Except the tree. It’s still up because I have no idea what to do with it. Maybe this weekend we’ll take a shot at taking all 12ft down. Maybe we’ll leave it up forever.

In an attempt to better my health, and try to stay aligned with my year of running goals (6 timed races, 500 miles.. 20 down.. 480 to go), I joined a gym. ::gasp:: I’ve been going 2-3 times a week until this week, because, you know, breathing is important. But I’ve been swimming, treadmill running, and some strength training regularly. As of 5 days ago, I also started a 30 day workout challenge, and as of yesterday a 4 week meal plan. I must be crazy. The only way out is through, I guess!



The Busiest Two Months Ever (And a really long blog post)

Between the birth of Rosalie and Christmas I used my computer a total of 3 times. Twice to upload and edit photos and once to print out a Christmas present I got Cory. Hence the lack of updates. Apparently having a baby and a toddler means you’re busy all the time. Add on all the other things that were going on and you’re not just busy, you’re officially the busiest.

Rosalie made her scheduled arrival at 8:53am on October 19. She weighed a whopping 10 pounds and measured 22 inches long. As reported via Facebook, Big Sister Colette was super excited about all the presents she got at the hospital, but only moderately enthused about being a big sister in real life.

We went in to the hospital as scheduled at 3am where we waited in the lobby until about 4am. When they strapped the monitors on my belly it turned out I was already having contractions, I just couldn’t feel them. I was all hooked up and started pitocin just before 5am. The pain was ridiculous. I was in labor with Colette for 51 hours and 49 of those hours were completely unmedicated. The pain with Colette was terrible as well but it was a slow build up and the biggest reason for getting an epidural in the end was because of complete exhaustion (I was already at 9cm when I got it). With the pitocin, I went from not even knowing I was having a contraction to not being able talk or move in less than an hour. There was no slow build up to get used to the feeling or the pain so we called for the epidural. Thank the good Lord for that decision.

The anesthesiologist came in pretty soon and started the usual questionnaire. In the middle of the questions, it was apparently shift change and a new anesthesiologist came in to finish the job. As it turns out, it was the same one who gave me an epidural with Colette. And she was hilarious, efficient, and it was truly no big deal. She was in and out in no time. Just like last time, I could feel the contractions but the pain was gone. Cory and I laid down and tried to rest for a little while after that.

The resting didn’t last long because by 8:20 I was 8cm and my OB was on her way in. When she got there is was time to go. She went ahead and broke my ‘bag of waters’ and then the pushing began. It was not fun. It was painful. Even with the epidural, the pain from the pressure was craaazy. But it didn’t last long because a few minutes later at 8:53, Rosalie was born, screaming loudly for all to hear. When my doctor said she’s definitely around 10 pounds, I was a little (completely) shocked. No wonder the pain was so intense. Since she had baked for so long, there was some worry that she may have had her first bowel movement before being born. It was confirmed after my waters were broken that she had, so they told me I likely wouldn’t be able to nurse her immediately because they would have to whisk her away for the respiratory team to make sure she hadn’t aspirated any of the fluid. However, when she came out screaming like she did, they decided they didn’t need to do that and everything went accordingly after the cord clipping. I only had a 2nd degree tear, same as with Colette, which is surprising considering the 3 pound difference. As a terrible side note, I could very much feel the stitches being placed. Ouch.

They didn’t come and give her a bath or weigh her for about an hour after she was born. When they did, it was confirmed that she was indeed 10 pounds even. There was a lot of talk on the L&D floor about the magical 10 pound baby.

Our moms and Colette came to visit pretty soon after she was born. Colette was a little bewildered but came around when she realized there were presents involved. More presents came when my friend from Knoxville, Abbey came to visit. It was pretty much the best and worst day ever for Colette.

Visitors at the hospital were at a minimum since we were only there for about 24 hours. But we had more once we got home. (And more presents for Colette, obviously. You’d think she’d want all kinds of siblings after the all the loot she got.)

As expected the first few weeks were kind of terrible. One week into have 2 kids, we finalized the purchase of our new house. This time, we hired a company to come pack all our things and move it. It was the best move. All we had to do was watch. Actually, that’s physically all I could do. My sister came down from MA to help out after we had made the official move from the rental house. It was super awesome to have the help and the visit.

The next couple of weeks were filled with settling in and making the house a home. Oh, and there was a newborn and a toddler to make that a lot more fun. Breastfeeding was only really awful for the first month as opposed to the 4 months with Colette.

Then before we knew it, it was Thanksgiving and Colette’s 3rd birthday. We went to Knoxville as usual and it was our first trip as a family of 4. Thankfully we didn’t have to take the dogs. There was so much food to be had and it was all delicious.

On Colette’s birthday, which fell on Black Friday this year, we did the usual trip to Toys-R-Us to let her pick out a present and to lunch with the family. Afterwards we had cupcakes and presents from family at my mom’s house.

We generally stay through the weekend in Knoxville, but this year I had signed up for a 5k for the Saturday after Thanksgiving. (I know, what was I thinking?!) So bright and early I got up and my friend Jodie and I headed out to the Hungry Turkey 5k. It was cold. It was early. I wasn’t completely healed. It was truly not the best idea I had ever had. But alas, we walked the course and survived. Actually we walked the course faster than I jogged it a few days prior.

To add to the chaos of having a baby, buying a house, moving, Thanksgiving, and Colette’s birthday, we decided to have Christmas at our house. We spent all of December setting up and getting ready for guests. I don’t know how we did it, but everything got done. The house was decorated and cleaned (except the garage.. that was, and still is, a disaster). It looked like we had lived here for much longer than 2 months. We even had all the presents purchased and wrapped a week before Christmas arrived. Christmas miracles, I tell you.

So all the family came down Christmas day and everything was lovely and there was food to feed a herd of hungry hippos. Then, as with all holidays, family disfunction happened. The visit was cut short and everyone was gone in about 24 hours. I said some words and the result was my mom and niece and nephew coming back down and staying for the next 6 days. It was a great visit and Colette was so excited to have the extended visit with her cousins.

Cory and I got to go out for New Year’s Eve while mom watched all the kiddos. We had a mediocre dinner at Foodworks with our usual New Year’s Eve crowd (mediocre because of the food, not the company, obviously), then went back to their place for baking and socialization. I think the combination of tequila, beer, whiskey, champagne, and sugar did me in. (I should note it was about one each of those thing over the course of 5ish hours… and as a secondary side note, I did pump and dump.) I didn’t feel the slightest bit intoxicated through the night, but after about an hour of sleeping I woke up and felt exactly like I would if I had a stomach virus (shaky, chills, and a nervous stomach). Fortunately that wasn’t the case, but I did puke up everything I had in my system and immediately afterwards felt like nothing had ever happened and I went back to sleep. I was exceptionally hungry when I woke up.

That pretty much brings us to now. Much to my dismay, I started back to work on the 4th and that’s pretty much the only reason I have any time to type out a blog. While I have some separation anxiety of being away from the kids again, I also feel a little sense of repose at getting back into a schedule and having some time to myself.

Rosalie is doing really well. We went through a phase where she would scream for about 30 minutes to and hour every night in the beginning and that was rough, but now we’re very much past that. She eats 6-8 times a day, has a routine of eat, play, sleep, repeat, and sleeps from about 11-8 or 9 (usually eats once during that time but goes right back to sleep). She laughs and ‘talks’ and, beyond my belief, is already trying to roll over. I have videos of Colette doing the same thing, except she was around 4 months old already. Blows my mind. By the way, she’s 16 pounds and wearing 6m sleepers. She is, indeed, a Christmas ham.

Colette is adjusting slowly. She will almost kind of play with Rosalie for a couple of seconds a day. I think we really threw Colette for a loop the last few months. Getting a new nanny, moving twice, Rosalie.. Her world was really rocked, so I can’t be totally shocked that turning 3 was a huge transition. She’s pretty sensitive these days. She’s never been one to cry when we drop her off at school, even in the beginning when she wasn’t even 2. She was always excited to be there. Now she screams and cries so hard when I leave, it just breaks my heart. She does this just about any time anyone who was playing with her has to leave. She always needs extra hugs and kisses and it’s never enough. On the other hand she’s still as spunky  and smart as she ever was. She had her 3 year well check in December and as always gets good marks on her development. Parenting win.

As for me and my health, I’m just now starting to feel ‘healed.’ I was having pain in my lower abdomen and (TMI ahead.. beware) bleeding until just the last couple of days. If you’re counting, that’s 11 weeks.. That’s a long time. However, according to the nurses at the doctors office, that’s completely normal. Not common, but normal. I’m just now starting to believe them.

To keep me honest, I’m also going to give you my New Year’s Resolutions. I plan to run in 6 timed races this year and at least 500 miles. My last race of the year will be the Disney Wine&Dine half marathon. I don’t have any goals for pace or anything like that, I just want to get back to healthy and away from being out of breath after walking up the stairs. If I haven’t done these things by the end of the year, I give you all permission or wag your fingers and scold me for not keeping my word to myself.

And that’s it, I think! Hopefully going forward I can make shorter more focused posts, because if you made it all the way through this one, you must truly love me.


Just Arrived!
Our Little Spider, Colette!
One Month
A Thanksgiving Christmas package.
Two Months
Two Months


The Scheduled Induction

Day 297 of pregnancy and no sign of going into labor. (Currently 41 weeks + 4 days) I’m still dilated the same amount (2cm) I was at the beginning of September when my blood pressure went haywire. Rosalie just has no desire to leave the womb. Unfortunately for us both my OB wanted us to schedule an induction. When we were in the exam room she made it sound like we would still be waiting until the weekend when I was officially 42 weeks. When we got into the scheduling room with the slightly not so cheerful scheduler, I was given the option of basically going in last night or at 2am Wednesday morning. I’m still a little baffled how we went from weekend to ‘in the next 2 days.’

And here we are on the eve of an induction and I can feel the stress coursing through me. I know they tell you that you have to be understanding that things don’t always go as planned especially with a birth, but I’m feeling just a little out of my element. I was for sure the biggest complication going into this one would be pain management as I would be attempting the whole natural thing for the second time. Now my biggest concern is, well, everything. Considering the last birth took so long, and this one clearly isn’t in a hurry, I worry that even with the meds (that I so wanted to avoid) won’t work at the speed I’m told they should and I’ll get stressed out and the baby will get stressed out and then at the end I’ll end up with a cesarean. I also worry because I have no idea what to expect. The information we were given as we were walking out the door of our 5 minute appointment was “so you’ll check in downstairs and they’ll bring you up and start you on pitocin.” It wasn’t a discussion, it was an instruction.

After we left the office, I spent a lot of time looking into induction processes. Different types of medication, their pros, their complications, different birth stories in similar situations. Everything. The last thing I want to be when I go into the hospital in a few short hours is uneducated or misinformed. I’m generally a planner. I make spreadsheets to go to Disney World. But my ‘birth plan’ is (or was…) a far cry from that. (As little intervention and exams as possible, delayed cord clamping and eye ointment.. boom, birth plan.)

And yes, I know people have c-sections and inductions all the time every day and that’s great for them. I have utmost respect for anyone’s decision to do the birthing thing however they want. It just isn’t something I wanted for myself.

So, amidst the stress, my goal for the day is to try and get my mind off of it. I’m going to take Colette to see Storks (appropriate, right?) in a little bit then grab some lunch. After that will be a good time to take a nap and get ducks in a row, then make dinner. It’s eggplant parm. It’s my last attempt at getting the ball rolling without intervention. After all,  2 trips to the hospital, a hayride, so much walking, the anniversary of Cory and I getting engaged, and a full super moon couldn’t bring it on…. maybe the eggplant will.

**Side note since I wrote most of this before we left for the morning… Storks was cute and Colette enjoyed it. (Her exact words when I asked if she liked it were, “Yeah! It was different!” So I think that means she liked it…) Lunch was the usual Chickfila, and now Coco is resting peacefully and I will likely try to do the same for a minute.

And here’s some pictures of Colette as an only child over the last few weeks.

dsc_3412 dsc_3421 dsc_3488 dsc_3502 dsc_3532 dsc_3535 dsc_3566 dsc_3585

Another day. Another Hospital.

My guesses for when I would go into labor were/are October 4 or October 9. So yesterday I was certain if anyone was going to the hospital, it was going to be me.

I was wrong.

We finished dinner. (Tacos, on what was, coincidentally, National Taco Day). Cory cleaned up the kitchen and mowed the yard while Colette and I blew bubbles on the front porch. Then Cory and Colette set off to the park at the school down the street from us. I stayed home and thought I’d take a quick shower before they got back. I no sooner stepped into the shower and put my head under the water, then heard Cory come back in and call my name.

He carried a tearful and bloodied Colette into the bathroom. The playground isn’t the newest, non-rusty, and most safe network of equipment known to man. There’s little lips of pulled out metal in places and sharp edges galore. Colette fell back and hit her head on one of those edges.

So we loaded up and made our inaugural trip to Children’s. Colette was still a little tearful when we got in the car, but we turned on some princess music and I sat in the back with her and we just talked to her to distract her.

Her mood was much more light when we got to the emergency department. Lots of pretty paintings and Disney characters to look at. We were taken back pretty quickly and she did need 3 little stitches (or band-aid strings, as the nurses called them).

She did so well. No more tears once we got there and sat so still when they were putting the stitches in.

She was especially excited when everything was said and done and she got a delicious grape popsicle. 14537007_10104226612112335_1525111953_o


We’re really exercising our insurance policy these days. If that wasn’t enough to send me into labor, I think it might never happen.

Pretty much everyone I know that was due this week (3 of them, all second babies, all the same gender as their older sibling) has already had their little ones. It’s my turn, right? Right?!?!

Back to Better

I’m happy to report that things have been much better this past week.

In my follow up doctors appointment on the 8th, everything was going back to normal. My blood work came back just fine and my blood pressure was down to an almost normal rate. In my next appointment which was this past Tuesday, my blood pressure as normal as it ever was. Thank goodness. One less thing to worry about. I was told I should still be taking it easy, but I’m still not sure I know what that means. I did spend a couple of days in bed while working.. that counts right? I will say it is amazing how very little I can do these days without feeling compleeeeteely exhausted.

Cory is doing well, too. He had an appointment to remove his drain and then a follow up a few days later. Both appointments went really well. Now he just has to heal 🙂

Oh and sweet little Max is back to his Maxy-self. His little eyes were droopy for a few days, but now he’s back to being my 100lb puppy. I’ll probably take him back to the vet on Monday to get his stitches removed and ask about some anxiety medication for upcoming stressful situations…like.. bringing home Rosalie.

Colette started school last week and her teacher told me on Monday that she was very smart, a joy, and a natural leader. Well those sound like great things to me! I get a little sad when I drop her off though. The second she walks through the classroom door, I cease to exist. If I haven’t gotten my hugs and kisses goodbye before then, that’s too bad. :'(  But I’m so happy it’s not the opposite. I love that she can walk in and be confident.

Tomorrow I will officially be full term. 37 weeks. Baby Rosalie can officially arrive any time between tomorrow and 5 weeks from now. I’m hoping she doesn’t wait the 5 weeks like Colette did, but I could certainly use a few more weeks to prepare (..clean and organize the house…). I’ve only gained 21 pounds but it feels more like a million, especially when factoring in the pelvic issues.

At 37 weeks with Colette, I was packing my hospital bag, according to my other blog. I’m doing the same now. I have a few more things to get, but it’s basically the same set up as last time.

  • Chapstick
  • Stretchy pants
  • Nursing tanks
  • Toothbrush
  • Grippy socks
  • Robe
  • Camera
  • Phone charger
  • Stuff for Cory and his uncomfortable couch bed
  • Big sister gift for Colette

We put together the stroller and crib (Babyletto Hudson Crib in Grey) and installed the carseat (UPPAbaby Mesa) over the past few days. The stroller (UPPAbaby Vista in Pascal) is about the size of our current living room. I love it and want to ride in it myself.

uppababy-vista-2015-stroller-pascal-grey-carbon-57 uppababy-mesa-infant-car-seat-pascal-grey-19 81gn22qd2l-_sl1500_

I’ve also been getting out Colette’s old things (the swing, rocker, etc..) and washing them in preparation. Those were things that definitely made life easier in the first months with Coco. (And I didn’t realize just how not clean they were when I put them away. Yuck.)

I think that’s about it for now. Please feel free to bring me some waffle fries.


You’re A Good Mommy

What a sweet sassy little girl we have in Colette. I feel our time with her, and just her, slipping away much more quickly than I would like. I was browsing Pinterest last night and happened across someones pin that broke down which week of pregnancy belongs in which month. I am currently in the middle of month six. MONTH SIX?! Part of me thinks that’s a joke. I have all summer right? Summers are long, hot and slow. Another part of me hits that panic button.

I will be so sad and so happy to see Colette become a big sister. Sad because the selfish part of me wants to keep her an only child forever. She’s so sweet and her little personality just blossoms exponentially everyday. I’m having a hard time coping with the idea that my attention will be very heavily divide when Rosalie arrives. On the other hand, after what I assume will be a not so graceful transition period into a family of four, we’ll find a rhythm that works for us and be able to give attention when and were it’s needed.

For now, I really just want to bask in the rays of sunshine and joy that being a parent to only one child has to offer. I want to remember everything about Colette from this period of time. The pitter patter of her little feet running from her room to our in the morning to get us out of bed. Her happy dances. The way she sings in bed when she wakes up. Her insistence for just “2 minutes” more of play time before bed. The way she wraps her arms around me so tightly, grits her teeth, and says, “You’re a good mommy.” I’m not sure I’ll get too much of that when Rosalie gets here. At least not for a while.

I’m currently reading Waiting for Birdy, by Catherine Newman. It’s a book written from Catherine’s perspective about going from parents of one to parents of two. It seemed pretty relevant to my situation, so I thought, why not. I’m not quite to the parts I want to read about, like “How does one deal with all these feelings,” but I’m hoping it’s in there somewhere.

Our nanny generally works 3 days a week out of our house, where I work my full time job. So on those three days, I’m with little Coco all day in some capacity. This week, since the nanny is on vacation, Colette is hanging out with Grama every day this week. When Grama watches her we generally eat dinner there as well, so when all was said and done tonight, Colette decided she didn’t want to have anything to do with going home with us. I think Cory and I both left with our feelings a little hurt, but realistically, it’s was 30 minutes from bedtime, Cory needed to mow the yard, and I needed to sit and not move (“rest my pelvis”) for a while. And she’s only 3 miles away. Cory and I have a much harder time letting her stay overnight than Colette does. I’m sure she’d stay 5 out of 7 nights a week if we’d allow it.

So tonight I’ll miss checking on her in the monitor, miss her little foot steps in the morning, and miss her running around the house while I run sales reports tomorrow. But I know that her gaining some of that independence from us is better for her in the long run.

Okay, I’ll just go cry in bed now. *Waaah*